This is a topic that has changed my life and when you understand it, I know it will change your life also. It is reacting and responding, when explained properly, believe it or not, kids get this faster than adults!
Most of the world has been conditioned to react. What happens when we react? Spend a minute thinking about that, I mean really thinking about it. Can you come up with an example in your life, maybe even today, when you reacted? Reacting usually means that we jumped in, it was quick, and more often than not we did not “think about it” we just did it. Let me give you an example from my own life. Just now, I had been in the kitchen warming up a bowl of soup for my husband, he’s not been feeling well. I set the bowl of soup on a placemat at the table with a lid over it so that it could continue to warm up. I set the timer for two minutes and told him that when the timer went off his soup would be ready to eat. Now, he had been doing some paper work at the time, nothing super important but none the less he may not have been paying full attention to me, I went off into my office to continue working. When I heard the timer go off, I ignored it because I had given him instructions. The timer continued to ring and after a few times he calls to me “Did you set the timer for something?” Now here’s where this gets really interesting. What would you do right about now? Right here is where each and every one of us is faced with a choice, are we going to react or respond? To react is, generally, a defensive or negative form of communication. If we react we are usually letting our emotions dictate what happens next and the result is not favorable. Our days are FULL of moments like this. By now I am hoping that you can relate, and I am absolutely certain that you can come up with your own scenario.
How many people do you know that are really good at responding? Perhaps you are one of them? Responding is a more positive or favorable form of communication, when we respond we are taking the time to think through the situation, analyze, and make a decision that is based LESS on emotion and more on reasoning. Responding is deliberate! Let me use the same example from above, I could see that my husband was focusing on what HE was doing. It became clear from his comment that he was not listening to me when I gave him the instructions. If I analyze the big picture here, it is clear that he DID NOT HEAR A WORD I SAID! Would it do any good to snap at him, or with a kind voice, simply repeat the instructions? Snapping at him is going to cause me to feel anger, it would put me in a state of negative vibration, nothing good comes out of that scenario. On the other hand, if I respond with kindness, I am left with a feeling of calm and it’s a win win situation. I wholeheartedly believe that no one really wants to be angry, so why provoke it? However, it does require a conscious decision on our part.
I find that parents and kids have this battle all too often, on both sides! The next time your parent causes you to feel like you want to snap, or lash out, stop for just a moment before you DO or SAY anything. Even before using your body language. You know what I mean – the eyes, the growling, the huffing, analyse and then make a wise choice – respond. We can even take it one step further, YOU’VE done something and your parent has chosen to react, I’m not making excuses for them I am just giving a scenario here, at this point the ball is back in your court, what are you going to do? You see, you still have the choice to react or respond. It’s when we keep reacting that things end up in a really bad situation because now you are both in a state of negative vibration! Someone needs to break the cycle. We have to LEARN to respond, we have to make a conscious decision. At first it may not come easy, it does take practice, and you CAN do it.
There is no escaping this topic, it is everywhere. Whether we are in a classroom and the teacher snaps at us for talking, or the workplace and our boss just told us to get him a cup of coffee, or maybe we are driving and the guy in the next lane cuts us off, we always have a choice and that choice affects us more than it does the other guy! Let me repeat that, that choice affects us more than it does the other guy. What? Right now you are thinking I’m crazy, right? Seriously, we are only hurting ourselves when we react. All of that negative energy that we are creating inside of us, causes our body to be in a state of negative vibration. This happens by law, it is the Law of Vibration. What we send out we get back. So if we are in a state of negative vibration that is what we are attracting towards us. On the opposite side is positive vibration. You choose! It works every time.
Remember we are creating a new habit here, so be patient with yourself. Now that we are aware of it, we have conquered half of the battle. Raising our level of AWARENESS opens a whole new set of doors and it will change your life. It won’t take long before your parents are following in your footsteps!
Dorothy Miller is a Thinking into Results Consultant, she is passionate about working with young adults, as well as companies, and organizations helping them achieve results and maximize their greatest returns.
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